EQUIPPED FOR
EVERY GOOD WORK.

A "disciple" is a learner who follows a master teacher. Discipleship means much more than a transfer of information. Discipleship, as we see it in the Bible, was all about life transformation. It referred to imitating the teacher's life, reproducing their actions, and following their teachings.

The desire, above all things, for a follower of Jesus was to be like Him. In fact, Jesus tells us this in Luke 9:23, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me." Why would Jesus use such extreme imagery as crucifixion when describing discipleship? Because, learning to die to your flesh and live in the Spirit is a difficult and messy process. It will require sacrifice and will cost your life, your plans, and your desires.

To disciple your children, you must always keep the cross in view. It will be easy for your focus to shift to little "g" gods like sports, family, friends, entertainment, putting out fires, and simply surviving every temper tantrum, argument, and disagreement. Keeping your eyes on Jesus is the only way you will be motivated to help your kids keep their eyes on Jesus too.

Discipleship is deeper - relationally, spiritually, and emotionally.

The purpose of the church is to edify, encourage, and elevate the Word of God as a supplemental tool, building on what is already happening in your own personal life. The church was never intended to be the only place you grow spiritually. With the development of westernized consumerism, the removal of personal responsibility in adolescence, and the breakdown of the family unit, the church has become the primary spiritual voice for children and youth.

However, what we find in Scripture is an incredibly strong case for spiritual development to begin in the home.

Proverbs 22:6 begins with the phrase "train up," which occurs three other times in the Bible, and refers to "dedicating" a home to the Lord. The context of Proverbs 22:6 is focused on intentional, sustained, God-centered shepherding of our children's hearts as they grow into adulthood within the fabric of family.

The phrase "in the way he should go" in Hebrew is actually "according to the dictates of His way." So, the commend could actually read, "Dedicate a child according to what His way demands". It is a command for parents who are believers to be the first and primary disciple makers of their kids until adulthood.

Here is the truth: Each of us are discipling our kids. We are all teaching them something from the way we live. They are learning about our dedication to work, to money, to stuff, and even to family. The question is: What type of disciple will our example make them? Will it make them more like Jesus, more like you, or more like the world?

In Proverbs 22:6, we are introduced to "a way" that a child will go. Throughout scripture, but primarily in Proverbs, there are two ways that people travel through their days. The way of wisdom that leads to life or the way of the fool that leads to death. In Proverbs, the way that children naturally take is the way of the foolish. This is a path that they will naturally choose; which is why we must be intentional to show them the correct path that leads to Godly wisdom.

While parents continue to feel under equipped and overwhelmed with the call to spiritually disciple their kids at home, it is their first responsibility and should be taken seriously. This should serve as a guide to help you successfully begin the process of family discipleship, and to be intentional with the limited time you have with your kids before they leave the comfort and protection of your household.

The expectation is that you will have open lines of communication. Let your kids share their struggles and victories. Most parent/child relationships break down when the child feels like they can't share their feelings or struggles without the fear of consequences or repercussions. Encourage, but don't enforce. How many times have you heard, " I can't say anything to you without you getting upset?" If they feel safe and feel like they can trust you, they will share. Actually listen to them. Think. Then, respond with patience.

This does not mean neglect discipline. In fact, a part of discipleship is the process of discipline and correction. The reminder would be to operate out of grace. When you are disciplining, do it in love, not out of anger. Communicate why you are disciplining them and how your concern is for their heart to be more like Jesus.

Don't expect perfection. Expect pursuit.

Moments & Milestones  -  Highs & Lows  -  Joys & Sorrows

See family discipleship as a way of life, not a program.

Did you lose your cool on your kids, have road rage, respond to your spouse in anger in front of your kids? There is no better teaching tool for them to learn about admitting their sin and asking for forgiveness than to hear it directly from you. Be vulnerable to own your own failures. Share with your kids about the process you take to ask God to forgive you and to seek the forgiveness of others. This will also open the door for you to ask if they have struggled with any of those same things that day or week. Ask them if they have taken it to God and sought forgiveness and reconciliation with others.

This is the process of helping your kids learn that everything in their lives has impact on their relationship with God through His son, Jesus. Explain to them that how they live directly impacts their witness to others about Jesus. If our eyes are fixed on the cross, we should also want the eyes of our children fixed on Jesus.

A great principle to remember in helping your kids see Jesus is to guide them not guilt them. Sometimes as parents we have a tendency of weaponizing Christianity as a tool to call out our kids. We say things like "a Christian would never do that" or "how do you call yourself a Christian and do that." Let us remember that the responsibility of the Holy Spirit is to convict the heart of guilt and sin. Guilt might be a motivator to change someone's attention, but it will not shift their affection. Looking to Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, causes us to have conviction that leads to correction. Always guide them back to their Savior. Help them fall in love with Jesus for who He is over what He gives.

1 Corinthians 11:1  |  Philippians 3:17, 4:9  |  1 Thessalonians 1:6-8

Because discipleship is not a transfer of information but life transformation, your kids need an example to follow. They need to see you not only as a mouth that tells them the truths of God, but also a model who shows them those truths in action. Here are a few areas that you should model for them.

Quiet Time: How much time do you spend alone with God daily? Is alone time with God a daily rhythm in your life? What do you study? How do you study it? Show them your process and help them develop their own.

Evangelism: How often do you share Jesus with others? Help your kids see that you are concerned about the eternity of other people. This can happen by you and your kids praying for siblings or other extended family who don't know Christ. It can happen by intentionally having gospel conversations around those people, and it can even happen spontaneously with a complete stranger. Do they have a bully at school or a kid that is driving them crazy that they know is not a believer? Help them to know that sharing our faith is a part of who we are as a believer in Christ.

Tithing: The biblical meaning of the word for tithe is not connected to money, it the idea of "first and best." It is learning to sacrifice for your relationship with God. Teaching your kids to give God their best when it comes to their time, money, and energy. Think about how being the leader in your family sets the example for where your family's priorities lie. If you were to write down what you spend the most amount of time, money, and energy on where would it lead? If it is anything other than God, then your priorities need to be realigned.

Serving: We live in a world that is self-absorbed and self-centered. For the most part, our kids know more about hardly working than working hard. As a parent, we all want our kids to become selfless, kind, generous, and hardworking. We must remember that they will not naturally gravitate to those things. They must be taught and they must be shown. A great exercise is to walk your neighborhood and look for opportunities to serve your neighbors. Maybe it's mowing a lawn, picking up sticks, making cookies and delivering them with a hand written letter, etc. Maybe it is looking for short term mission trip opportunities for you and your kids to do together. Let them see you serve. Then invite and involve them in serving with you.

Being the primary disciple maker of your kids does not mean that you are the only disciple maker of your kids. The church is to be an advocate for your family and an extension of the discipleship already happening at home. Children and student ministries succeed most in formats where we are able to support a work that is already being done at home rather than starting a work that doesn't exist at home.

As the church, we have two hours a week to either unlearn/retrain or support/sustain something that parents or others have taught them the other 166 hours. Which seems more probable in the way of spiritual growth and success - us reminding them or us retraining them? It is hard to unlearn things you learn wrong.

"...when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

Proverbs 22:6 is a reminder of how much we all fail. However, we rejoice in the grace and mercy of the Gospel to transform our own hearts as well as the hardness of our children's hearts.

Discipleship is a lifelong process. It will ebb and flow with every failure and victory, every up and down, and every good and bad. It is hard to see the progress when you are in the trenches every day, but the effort is worth it.

We have to constantly remind ourselves that we are not God and we cannot change people. No matter how badly you want your kids to change, you can't change them. Here is what you can do - You can put the work in every day to give them the best opportunity to succeed and biblically guide them when they fall.

Make a habit, if you have not already, to pray for your kids every single day. Pray that the Lord would protect them, guide them, and that they would fall more in love with Jesus every single day. Be patient, be purposeful, and make faith practical.